In The Know

How are you going to observe this day? This year’s theme is “women and men united to end violence against women and girls” (Visit IWD for more information.) This year I am focusing on promoting and encouraging young girls into STEM programs. (I do this every year actually.) STEM stands for Science Technology Engineering and Math. But I think this year’s theme of non-violence against women and girls is an important theme.

My daughter is a huge fan of both Rihanna and Chris Brown, especially Chris Brown. She had posters galore hung in her room and even did a website assignment for school about him. When the news broke out about Rihanna and Chris Brown, she took down all her posters and she didn’t even mention his name around the house anymore. We (hubby and I) asked her about how she felt and how her and her friends are feeling about the entire situation. They were really disappointed in what he did, but they were mostly disappointed and confused about why Rihanna would go back with him (teenage language). We then invited our son into the conversation and he was mostly questioning why Chris Brown did what he did and he also asked my husband (I mean literally, he looked directly at my husband) how he could he get that mad to “mess up her face that bad.”

I’ll tell you the results of that conversation in a bit, but history has shown that this is normal behavior of domestic violence and more and more we see that this situation is hitting more younger people. The cycle is never ending. Flashing across the ticker on CNNI, “Afghan women and girls raped.” This is a world issue and not just here in America. Who do we teach? Or is it just the young people? What about the older generation or today’s generation? Violence doesn’t care about age. Whether you’re 9 or 99, domestic violence has hit your family or friends or your community or your neighborhood. Everyone knows someone who has gone through it or has helped someone recover from it. What do we do as a society?

My thing is, if you are that angry, walk away from an argument. I don’t care if you have to go play basketball, golf, go shopping, whatever, and walk away. Since we normally see just one side of everything and let me be very frank that I am not taking sides on Rihanna and Chris Brown’s issue but if a heated argument gets too heated, both parties need to walk away. Everyone has their own outlet and if you don’t then you need one. Crochet, Pottery, motorcycle, football, whatever it is, and take yourself out of the situation. This type of behavior is not easy, but it takes discipline and has a lot to do with your upbringing. We all have argued and sometimes it is in front of the children, but if you look at your kids face during an argument, you can see the fear immediately, so parents themselves are the first line of defense. Kids do what they see.

So, the conversation at our house was that in no way do we condone what happened and we instructed the kids that if they are ever in a heated argument with anyone, you take yourself out of that situation. Run if you have to because you have to understand the consequences of your actions. And when things get heated, thing get out of control. Come back more calm and ready to talk, but it’s just not worth it. The media has stated that it will be incredibly hard for Chris Brown to repair his image, but what about Rihanna, what message is she sending out to young girls and women? That it’s okay? The speculation is that she provoked Chris Brown to the point he just lost it. Provocation is no justification.

Have you talked to your kids about this situation? You should.

So please, observe International Women’s Day, Sunday, March 8, 2009 and don’t forget the theme!